There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
