this beer tastes like vomit already
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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