There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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