i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
