I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
