just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You dont lie about slip and slides
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
