i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
