and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
