i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
