I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
