pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
