i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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