Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
