i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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