she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize