ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
