What a fucking waste of an outfit
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Damn victory sex feels great
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