Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
