My hand turned me down
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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