They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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