508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
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He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
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Your topless pictures make me question reality
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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