The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
