they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
