so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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