dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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