It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
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maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
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Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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