The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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