Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
