y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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