i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
