the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
