....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
