just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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