Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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