why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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