I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
