My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
