I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
