just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
