I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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