dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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