the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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