Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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