I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
