Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
