Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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