Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
