Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
