hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I am naked and annoyed.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
