do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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