So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
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I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
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I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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