1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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