Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
