Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
