You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
