i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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