You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
