I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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