We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
