Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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