Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
