Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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