I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
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You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
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Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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