I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I have fence marks all over my body
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
