There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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