I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
