So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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