what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
birth control should be required to get into college
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
