I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
